I think my fart just growled at me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
