I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
