yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
