It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
