I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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