he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
