i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
