I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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