Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
