how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
