I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
