I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
