3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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