we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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