Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
