I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
