But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
