Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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