Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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