I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
