Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
