I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
