I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
