She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
