Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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