So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
