woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
