the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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