WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
