I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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