So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
