oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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