im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
