I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I smell like Dick and happiness
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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