once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
