this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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