So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
