Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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