Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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