u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
two words...techno handjob
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
