i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
