they need to just BURY HIM!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
