I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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