If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
