It's like God shit irony all over that family
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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