you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
two words...techno handjob
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
