ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
