My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
