I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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