if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
