ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
