butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
