so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
